Journaling and New Perspectives

A few days ago, I was sifting though a box in my office when I ran across one of my old journals. I've written journals off and on since my first diary didn't have enough room for me to put down everything I wanted in one day's slot. I was 13 or 14 when that happened.

I kept a journal through much of high school. Alas, those all got thrown out when I got married. I was far too busy working and studying when I was in college, but after I got my degree, I started up with a journal again. I kept one throughout my pregnancy, and have that one stored away in my cedar chest should my son ever want to read it. After he was born, I had no time to eat or sleep, much less write in a journal! I didn't start up again until he was three or so.

Anyway, back to the topic of the journal I found a few days ago... This one seemed particularly prophetic because the first entry was dated May 11, 2002.

Eight years ago seems like another lifetime to me now. I was the manager of a multi-million dollar state program that was suffering from some major service delivery crises, while I was going through some personal physical and emotional upheavals. Reading through those journal entries brought it all back to me...

• My passive-aggressive boss who undermined me at every turn
• The incompetent staff in our Personnel department who constantly refused to return my phone calls or if they did, refused to help me in any way
• My primary care doctor who focused on minimal physical problems rather than address the big picture of my overall health

It was not a fun time for me! But it was also a time when I was on the brink of change. During this time, the idea of quitting my job first took shape. I did a lot of angsting about whether I could survive on the money I'd saved and the small amount of retirement benefit I'd receive if I did quit. I was also struggling to write and wondering if I could ever FINISH much less SELL a book.

But eventually, I did convince myself that I could do it. And I did!

Looking back with my current perspective, I still feel bad about the terrible time I had grappling with it all. But I'm happy to know I made THE RIGHT decision! I've never once regretted leaving that job. Plus, I've not only finished, but I've sold and will soon have published three books! One of my major dreams in life came true.

Journaling was a therapeutic activity for me back in those dark and depressing days. Matter of fact, it still is therapeutic for me to write out my frustrations and keep track of my writing progress. And since finding and reading this old journal and knowing that my story does have a happily-ever-after, I can see it's also a great reminder of how far I've traveled, and that things do have a way of working out for the best!